Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
