Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
do herpes really smell.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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