Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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