When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
