I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
