I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
