i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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