She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
zippers are such a cool invention
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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