Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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