You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
