I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
