i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
