There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He better not be in your backpack
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
