i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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