guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
