Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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