You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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