i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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