we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
