My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
