i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
