I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
