I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
