i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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