I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I deserve this hangover.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
