I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
