South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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