Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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