I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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