if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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