I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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