i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
