Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
