Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
