I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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