He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
