Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
