Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
