You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
