Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
