woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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