If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
