i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
