Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
