Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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