my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
