when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
