please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
