he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
