They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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