U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
