how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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