Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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