Well apparently he's into motor boating.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
