Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
