I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
