We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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