Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
