I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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