In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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