Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
