Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
