I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
