I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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