I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
