last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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