We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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