guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
