Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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