i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
