So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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