I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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