your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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