I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize